Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
