Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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