her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
