i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
