I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
