i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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