my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
