he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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