I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
