Swine flu. Run for my life!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
