About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
