I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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