I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
