I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
