Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
