You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
