Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
