May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
