I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
