If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Mom said you looked used
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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