oh god the rape fog is back!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
