i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
