Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
