Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
