Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
