Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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