I'm going to jail i love you
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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