it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
