Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
