I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
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