I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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