I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
