I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
