I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
