Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
In America we eat man semen.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
