Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
organizing the empties. That sober.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
