We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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