so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
