ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
