You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
