fuck your aforementioned shoe
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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