I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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