You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
