you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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