I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
