Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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