In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
