Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
