i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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