it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
