Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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