Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
