drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
