what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
