We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
